Break Up

When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. It's like death.

after the break-up, i thought i was strong enough to handle this thing again. kasi nga sa sobrang dami ng break-up na naranasan ko, i thought i was going to be numb na. iba't-ibang reason, iba't-ibang twist of the stories. pero sympre, lahat pakiramdam ko, hindi ako ang nagkulang. when it comes to relationship, hindi ako nahihiyang ipakita at iparamdam ung hundred percent ko. dun nga nagagalit sakin mga frends ko when i ended up crying to them. hindi na daw kasi ako nadala. paulit-ulit na lang daw. eh ganun ako eh, kapag love ko ang isang tao, i gave everything i can never expect anything in return. basta paramdam mo lang sakin importante ako sau...un na un. nothing else.

breaking with someone important to you is one of the hardest decision and definitely one of the complicated things to accept. itatanong mo sa sarili mo kung bakit despite of all the things you've done, bakit it still ended up bitterly. Pipilitin mong tumawa at magpanggap na masaya ka. pipilitin mong ipakitang your not affected pero matutulala ka na lang bigla kapag naaalala mo sya. minsan nga kahit maamoy mo lang sa iba ung perfume nya, maiiyak ka na. or kapag may nakita kang sweet na couple, you bitterly say "maghihiwalay din kau" . many of us will try to cover up the pain. ung iba nagtatagumpay. ewan ko ba kung anong klaseng dasal ang pinaggagawa nila sa gabi habang umiiyak. at kung anong klaseng diversion ang pinipili nilang gawin to survive.

at this moment, after a month of the break up, ngaun ko lang hinayaan ang utak kong magisip why it happened. bakit ganito. after lahat ng nangyari samin. after kong ibigay lahat ng kaya kong ibigay. after the good memories. hindi sa nanunumbat ako, i was just analyzing things...analyzing situations baka sakaling may makuha akong sagot. baka sakaling sisihin ko ang sarili ko.

sabi ko hindi na ko iiyak. sabi ko tama na. sya ang mali and i have to do this para sa sarili ko. kasi kung hahayaan ko, ako din ang kawawa in the future. i always felt i was the one who ended up pleading after our misunderstandings taken for granted that im the one who are matured enough to understand things. pero lagi na lang bang ganun.porke ako un matanda, ako ung nakakaintindi, ako ung nakakaunawa...kailangan ba ako na lang lagi mag adjust. minsan wala naman sanang problema, pero feeling ko he's getting spoiled. feeling ko, wala syang natututunan sa pagdadala ng relasyon namin. sometimes, i missed bein treated like his girl and his princess. i never felt that way. and that is what the most tiring. taking the responsibility to overcome the problems in our relationship.

When I said I didn't want to see you anymore why did you choose that particular statement to be the only one you ever listened to?

masakit. oo. pero mas masasaktan ako in the future if ngaun pa lang hahayaan ko toh. God knows i missed him, pero i have to do this. para minsan, im finger-crossed na ma realize nya ung importance ko. maramdaman nya ung kawalan ko. maintindihan nya ko. at malaman nya ung mga pagkakamali nya.

~ Breaking up is a natural evolution when you try to figure out what you want in life. If you're with an individual who isn't moving in the same direction and at the same rate that you are, it ain't going to work. ~