what i am asking is just a little respect

i dont know if this is the right venue to rant, but someone told me that blogging is a big help to vent out my feelings. err, this is my blog so i think its my right to spill out my grudges here.

i usually have this habit na first thing in the morning when i woke up, i will grab my cp and excitedly check my ym if there’s anyone who IM’ed me. this morning apparently there was none.

i was still in hazy lazy attitude of going to work, when i refresh again my YM and unexpectedly saw his ava. yes, just a simple 1x1 avatar made me in shock the moment i stared at it. actually this was not the first time i saw this “big deal” ava of him. siguro, 2nd time. and i actually let go of the first time coz, its unethical for me to react with those kind of actions done by him. after all, its his personal YM and i have no right to questioned it.

you may be wonder whats in his ava that make my world rocks. well, its his wife pic. ya. so, right…i have no right to complain about that. its his YM..personal account. one of those many things that i should be back off and should not care about.

“i want to spend the rest of my life with you” with his wife all over in the picture.

what made me this nag is not just about the pic but the status. emotionally wise, yes, i have not yet move on with what we had. 2months is really not enough to forget the pain. wounds are left open and its still not reacted to the medicines that im taking. i know, i have no right to complain nor right to demand and im the least person to ask for that right. But what i am asking is just a little respect from him.

he knows that im slowly taking my pace to move on. and i definitely trying to bring back the old friendship. at this moment, its really unethical for someone to post something that may affect other’s feelings.ya. right, its his personal thing though, but being a person who committed such mistake should not be so careless to post anything that he knew i will be informed and be hurt. i mean, just a little respect. you dont have to slap that fact in my face. i already know that. just a little consideration for my feelings if he still cares.

I know…having a relationship with someone who is already committed is really a huge mistake of decision and stupidity. but for him, i found myself more than willing to forgot my principles, my self respect, my ego because i felt that he was so true and so sincere that somehow im hoping that what’s left for us can be right in time.

yes, too much pain. too much disrespect. im affected.yes i am. im not that plastic kind of person who hides my feelings. i am a totally the transparent one. i say what i feel, i do want i want. the YM Status put me in a place where im consciously constructing and creating doubts against him. did he actually loved me the way he told me before? was all his stories true? or falling in him is all a big plan he was plotting eversince? did he rejoice when i finally share my life to him? did he triumphantly tell others that he got me?

doubts finally all over me. and i practically woke up to the hopes and wishes that we will be back to where we are before. things had changed. he actually changed it.realizations bite me, that i should not gave my whole trust. that i should be careful from the start. that i should be contented and such.

and now after what i saw, it brings me to my right place. a right place where i can crushed my hopes. tangled my principles and brace myself. because now, at this time, he just made me think that he’s…nothing.

just to avoid any hurt feeling and step in his right to post anything he wants, i finally gave up…ya, sure…he can now posts anything and i care no more. go on…